Funniest Thing on the INTARWEBS :O

[:Rob]

SANTA'S PILGRAMIGE

How does he do it??

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18] in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed round the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second

--

3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run at 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas.

LMAO

[Shib]

rofl

[Black Dragon]

This brings back old childhood memories. Seriously, I think I read it when I was 13 or something..

[Ransom]

someones got way too much freetime

I demand them to prove these calculations

[MaX_668]

rofl

[MAD_BOY]

get a life...i wanna trade with the guy that has too much spare time

[dtneter]

-

Edited August 1, 2012 by Guest

[B@TM@N]

[Jani]

[Brophy]

You know santa had help from captain picard!

[MaX_668]

get a life...i wanna trade with the guy that has too much spare time

Hey MAD_BOY I trade with you

[Blokker_1999]

It has some errors.

First : While we combine Santa with Christmas, Santa has actually nothing to do with the christian religion.

Second, the avg household worldwide does not have 3.5 Children

[:Rob]

Okay then, the reindeer crew gets fried in 6.825 thousandths of a second, and Santa is crushed into implosion by 3,681,412.72 pounds of force

[jhxp]

MAD_BOY

[paul527]

Second, the avg household worldwide does not have 3.5 Children

Yes they do, its just seems that one of them is split in half

First : While we combine Santa with Christmas, Santa has actually nothing to do with the Christian religion.

Someone should find out where Santa came from.

According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, Santa Claus started with a real person, Saint Nicholas, a minor saint from the fourth century.

According to tradition, he was born in the ancient Lycian seaport city of Patara, and, when young, he traveled to Palestine and Egypt. He became bishop of Myra soon after returning to Lycia. He was imprisoned during the Roman emperor Diocletian's persecution of Christians but was released under the rule of Emperor Constantine the Great and attended the first Council (325) of Nicaea.

After his death he was buried in his church at Myra, and by the sixth century his shrine there had become well known. In 1087, Italian sailors or merchants stole his alleged remains from Myra and took them to Bari, Italy; this removal greatly increased the saint's popularity in Europe, and Bari became one of the most crowded of all pilgrimage centres. Nicholas' relics remain enshrined in the 11th-century basilica of San Nicola, Bari.

Nicholas' reputation for generosity and kindness gave rise to legends of miracles he performed for the poor and unhappy.

[zerb]

Paul, you have ruined christmas, you deserved to be repeatedly slapped by everyone of those children. ;p

[paul527]

[StormaX]

lool