Guest Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 lol ok fine i concede defeat and my story isnt worthy bla bla bla =p anyways, i cant wait to see ur story kfg im sure it will be good considering ur writing from the past Link to comment
Si|ent Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 You write from the past kungfu? Neat trick. Names not William is it? Link to comment
quakerjtf Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Here's a nice war story I actually have on fraps. It was taken about 3-4 weeks ago when 0.2.2 was still used. I'll try to get it uploaded sometime since there were some good scenes. It was a sweltering, crispy, blood thristy day for VC. Nugget and I were under cover patroling The Beach in a jet black maverick listening to VRock. Of course we were using the under cover bad ass names of "Han Solo" (nugget) and "Chewbaka" (me). We had flown out of North Point after finishing an assassin which ended up as a bullet splattering murder to the victim of han solo's m60. Leaving the area loaded with ammo and adrenaline, we headed south. We were just about to fly toward The Mainland when we heard a distress call over the radio, "Oh Jesus Nooooooooo! *shotgun splatters brains all over the ground* *more shooting, m60s flaring*." Loading our m60s with bloody magazines, and locking shells into our stubbies, we flew over to the cop station in Washington prepared to kill some assholes and neutralize the situation. *BOOM!* Explosions flashing everywhere, a stinger comes flying over the bridge to the cop station. *Stinger hits an enforcer and goes flying into the air tumbling across the the road. *stinger blows up* "Ahhhhhhh, I'm on fire, OMG, HELP ME!!!!!!!, oh jesus!!!!!!" *cop's skin melts plastering to the road* We see a clear a spot to land in the cross fire and take the chopper down. Some suicidal kamakazi MEX comes out of no where to escape the chaos. I fire my stubby. 2 BBs from stubby hit him in the neck paralyzing him and in the shoulder taking out his arm. He tried to crawl to away with his last ounce of strength *blast, my stubby blows open his chest all over the ground like an Aztec sacrifice to the Gods* Han Solo scans the area for the number of the people to be killed. He then lays out 7 body bags in a psychotic fashion and takes a hit of heroin. Running into the scene, I find a survivor crawling on the ground begging for mercy. "Ahhh, my knee caps!!! Oh jesus, my legs stuck in the heli blade!!!!!" "Shut the f-ck up @sshole!" *boom, his head is shattered all over the sidewalk* *m60s blazes by my face* "What the f-ck was that. You f-cking piece of goddam sh-t! OMFG!" *a diing carcass holding an m60 gets fossiled into road by my stubby* *a shot fires, BBs blaze past my chest bearly missing me* "YOU STUPID F-CK!!!!" *5 stubby shots fire massacaring the twat's body all over the cop car* Mean while, han solo had run around the front of the station to clear it out. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" *han solo's m60 fires shots blowing a guys balls through his ass* "Oh jesus, there is no god, f-ck me, f-ck me, ahhhhhhhhh" *han solo finishes him off with a blast to the forehead. han solo psychotically takes his stuff and puts him in a body bag. *shot fires from in cop station* "OMG you f-cking wh-re!" The same dude had spawned with his second and last life. Han solo picks up his stubby and blows off the guys balls, again. "AHHHHHHHHH. OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *Han solo rips out his heart, takes a bite, and shoves it down the guys throat sufficating him.* "Suck on that b-tch!" The place is finally neutralized. Han Solo and I pull the body parts of the sorry assholes back to the chopper and bag em up. We give the cop station, now coated in blood, a quick wash with windex and bleach. "Time to get these bodies to the medical research center somewhere in little haiti. hehehe. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After a long days work, we head back to the malibu for some hard core drinks and poon tang. (realistically we disconnected from MTA and watched the simpsons) (pictures may be added at some time from fraps, this is a real story of a bloody day in MTA, its a rough city) Link to comment
Ransom Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 lol ransom i love how u exagerate urself so much heres the rest of the story i got u down on the ground the third time u tried it against me, and proceeded to give u a nice present in the form of a respawn, you then proceeded to robber war with me, during which i repeatedly beat him so much that he eventually just got pissed and left anyways, heres my story for ya =p hmmmm this must be that deathb language KFG was talkin about I never left robber spawn wars, you did after losin the heli when trying to chop me up (cause I KNOW that pissed you off, especially since all you said was "...") Link to comment
[KFC]KungFu Posted January 14, 2004 Author Share Posted January 14, 2004 I had just landed in the swampy hot city by the sea for the big hunt. Mrs. Grip couldn’t be bothered with me or my love of the hunt and was glad to see me out of the house. I took a military transport down into the urban jungle and I needed a swig of bourbon to chase the syrupy saliva from my palate. I had brought my trusted friend Cecil Wheelmn along for the journey, as I am wont to do. We headed for camp in Washington Beach, the hunt would begin at daybreak. The night was unforgiving, hoes, bums and hoodlums of all stripes walked the strip, the prey of the dapopo’s, a deadly animal in these parts. Morning came early in this part of the world. This is a thankless wasteland, where godless tribes and animals kill for sport. Before setting off we enlisted the help of a local savage to be our guide. I couldn’t make out his name but it sounded like Deathb, these natives speak a crude language with a heavy tongue. He was a member of the ULKulu a warrior tribe common to this land. We picked up the scent of our prey immediately and gave chase. We cornered him at the south end of the western island by a large rock that resembled a boat. This was the beast’s lair for sure because he darted in and out as if he had been running scared here before. Ransomos are known to be cowardly animals until cornered and this one was just starting to show its teeth. As he ducked behind what might be described as a trailer and a fence I wounded the beast. He retreated to his lair on the rock. Warring factions and other beasts fought all around us, the landscape was crimson with the blood of the vanquished and victorious alike. My good friend Cecil fled in fear. I pictured Bunny laughing at me for missing my target. I thought of the bucked tooth slovenly ULKulu that might run into the wounded whimpering Ransomos by mistake. I couldn’t just let it die where it lay I must finish him off. I made my way up the rock and confronted what I was sure would be a fierce cornered Ramsomos. The beast darted around with the remainder of his strength. I took aim and put the poor thing out of it’s misery. My guide was relieved as he hauled the carcass on the hood of the Rancher. We set back to camp after picking up Cecil whimpering in a ditch. I gave my guide as stick of gum for his trouble and he acted as if I had given him a bundle of cash. Soon I will be back in civilization with bunny wishing I were back in this wasteland. Link to comment
quakerjtf Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Dude, great story. I like how you descride them so primatively. Great story. Link to comment
[KFC]KungFu Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 (edited) *Panshot of a dusty office with bills piled on a desk, a man sits in a hard wooden desk chair, unshaven, wearing a two days worn suit, his fedora hangs on the coatrack. An open window sits behind a broken fan, open containers of Chinese food litter the dingy office* It was a hot summer, and summers were weird in Vice City. The kind of hot that saps your will and makes you wanta stop being a gumshoe detective. But I couldn’t stop, the bills keep coming and I haven’t had a case in weeks. Nights were the worst you see because that’s when Det. KungFuGrip wants some company and his thoughts drift back to his lost love, bunny. *Flashback dream sequence* *Suburban home, sunny day, a clean shaven Grip tosses a Frisbee to his dog on the front lawn, a smart dressed tall blond wearing an apron comes to the porch with an apple pie* Grip: “Ah bunny you know how I love your pie” Bunny: “It’s burning hot for you, Kungy” Grip: “umm.. but what is this?” Bunny: “oops, a little yeast, sorry” *They exchange a playful kiss as a Fire truck flies from outta nowhere and the driver opens fire with a minigun* Grip: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!, YOU FUCK ING CHEATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!” *Sounds of a lock being picked and a creaking door awakens kfg* *He hides behind the door with his trusty stubby ready to go* *A struggle and a gun shot, a women screams* She was a real beauty, my mind said "blast her with this stubby Grip" but my heart said "hear her out". She was the kind of girl that helps you forget about your troubles. The kind that could suck a golf ball thru a garden hose. Her name was Yudo and she had been working undercover in the TmM servers, turning tricks 5 bucks a head on the streets and learning about a cheat ring. She explained how she had video proof that someone named Scar was cheating and she was going to go public. That hit a soft spot with me I guess, but why me? Yudo: because your desperate, look at you you’re a drunk and a slob, I know about bunny. Grip: what do you want me to do Yudo: Get the proof I need and go public, I can’t because I have a secret Grip: I bet you do, I can see your Adams apple poking out like a volleyball. Plus your legs are hairy. *Rips off Yudo’s wig* Grip: Your not a dame at all, your Deathb the cross-dressing spy of Vice City. *Sirens sound and police enter the office* Grip: Take em away boys, Oh here, *hands him the wig* Grip: Where your going you might want to dress up Yeah, summers are weird in Vice City. *fade to black* Edited January 15, 2004 by Guest Link to comment
Guest Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Grip: “Ah bunny you know how I love your pi(e)” Bunny: “It’s burning hot for you, Kungy” Grip: “umm.. but what is this?” Bunny: “oops, a little yeast, sorry” *They exchange a playful kiss hmm so you kissed pi, i didnt know u two were that close Link to comment
quakerjtf Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Grip: “Ah bunny you know how I love your pi(e)” Bunny: “It’s burning hot for you, Kungy” Grip: “umm.. but what is this?” Bunny: “oops, a little yeast, sorry” *They exchange a playful kiss hmm so you kissed pi, i didnt know u two were that close He kissed bunny? What the hell are you thinking. KFG, great story man. Jesus, that's good stuff. I can see your Adams apple poking out like a volleyball. Plus your legs are hairy. OMG, sweet jesus thats funny. Link to comment
Guest Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I thought I would bring a little light on Robre and RR. When Robre joined the clan we did not know who he was, and thought nothing of it. He seemed no different than anyone else that would want to join. The RR you're referring to, us, is not Rammstein whatever but actually just double R. Rough Riders maybe, but it is referred to as double R. He's since been kicked out of the clan. On a side note, my first post here, even though I've been playing for quite a long time. This event motivated me to register... Link to comment
=AA=\/\/heeL(V)an Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 OK heres Wheelman's attemtp at a war story hehe (its abotu the little friendly 5 on 5 with ulk) Midnight struck, still no sign of Xcrisy....Me and the fellow comrades (gamefreek, nug, pi) waited up on our perch for our final squad member, but still no response...with time runing slim it dawns on us that crunch was just mosying around barhopping and looking for some fun, so we decided to sub him in for crispy as a last hope for a 5th member...everyone was ready...and it got quiet...the kind of quiet where u can hear the breathing of a man a mile away...than as we just started to relax we hear the engine of a swat van approaching and unloads a bundle of ulk...whilst the other 4 kfc were on the ground dueling it out i was providing swift air support...the battle raged on and it came down to head, element, and me left....realizing my position i retreat and come up with a plan of action to try to take these 2 guys out....i decide to mozy on over to washington beach and rent a nice chopper off of the local dealer so i can find these two...i look at my radar and realize that there aren't just 2 blips...but 15 blips alive and moving....seeing this i realize there was literally no chance of locating head and element and suprise attacking them....so i just cruise for a bit and let them sorta forget about me....after a while i grow board and just decide to land on starfish...suddenly i see a blip only a few feet from me...i run up and fire at the suspect just to find out it was Outback....i stand there in auw wondering why he was in game...suddenly i feel my spine shatter as a rancher plows into me going at least 75 miles an hour and i crumble to the ground....after blacking out from that i come to my feet and look around to see who nearly killed me...and i see it is head...as i come to my feet i am greeted my a shotgun in my face and i feel my body grow numb and just as fast as i got up i fell down again, this time for a long...long...sleep MORAL: When you are having a little gangwar or whatever DO NOT let people respawn!!!!! that totally ruined it for me Link to comment
Guest Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 lol outback wasnt even in the match, u drove all the way across the city to get to him Link to comment
=AA=\/\/heeL(V)an Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 no i landed my chopper on starfish island cuz i only saw 2 blips there at first and i get out my car and approach em to find out its outback and some other guy, than as i go to turn around im run down by a rancher....see what mean by not letting people respawn? Link to comment
Mr.Bill Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 (edited) ok, ok I got a story... It all started a long time ago, right? I was like cruising down the main stretch with this guy named jimmy Cw, hold the b cross the T, you know that guy right? Anyway I?m driving right, and I?m driving then BAM! This asshole cuts in front of me with this securicar and I?m all like hey! You cut me off! And he's like "shit I did you ran into me!" and I?m all like "no I didn?t! I got a flat papaya! how could I ever do that?" and he?s like "my grape fruits aren?t on that?s why" and then jimmy Cw, hold the t cross the B, he's all like Yo yo yo man lets bust a cap in his ass and then he gets off on this whole coughing fight and he?s all like COUGH, COUGH and I?m like DUDE! not on the dash I eat there and he?s like cough and I?m like ASSHOLE and he stops right and he?s all like whoa, sorry bout that and he gets out of the gar and goes to that guy who cut us off ("no I didn?t!" he SO did!) and Jimmy Wc, Cross the t hold the B he?s all like Dude WTF where you thinking? and the guys all like "COCKBITE" for like, NO super REASON! and jimmy, he gets all offended right? be cause he got COCKBITE tattooed on his forehead when he was young (different story, but the bears did it after all) anyway he?s all like YOU BITCH! and he takes out this mini-gun and I?m all like NO JIMMY NO!! THE TRAINER PREVENTION! and he gets like, totally OWNED by the script its all like SUSPECTED TRAINER USAGE and jimmy gets has PWNED hardcore! And that guy drives off right, and I?m running to Jim and I'm all like "J Man! NOO!! those DIRTY BASTARDS!! you KILLED HIM!!" and JJsd is all list GASPING and shit right? and like bleeding all over me and I?m like "dude if your going to bleed not on my shoes I just got them waxed by that bum we ran over" and he?s all like "GASP wheeze GASP! Find the admin who did it. bill.... and kick his ass for me" and I?m all freaking out right because out of NO WHERE there?s this huge REDISH voice saying shit like WHOS USING A TRAINRE!?! Ill kb you again if you do!" and everyone?s like it was jimmy b dudes! jimmy be!" and I?m like "Shit no it was that guy who cut us off!" and I?m all like to jimmy before he dies and re-spawns after anyway I?m like "Jimmy there IS no admin, its a script just like on the matrix right? with that spoon? its just like that! except were in 800x600 resolution DONT YOU GET IT?!?!" and jimmy the drama queen he's all like "Dude... I'm fading " and I?m like" DONT YOU CRASH ON ME DAMN IT! DONT YOU CRASH!" and then I see these letters on top of him and its like CRCTIME OUT and I?m like "NOO!!! YOU BASTARDS!! YOU CRASHED HIM!! TAKE ME~~ TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!" and then i like broke down crying on his empty .mdl for a while.... .... then he joined the server again and I was like YOUR ALIVE! and he?s like its just a game. Moral of the story: Next time you see a keyboard with a F13 key you BUY IT! (put it through the spell check should be better now, took a while ) Edited January 20, 2004 by Guest Link to comment
Outback Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 no i landed my chopper on starfish island cuz i only saw 2 blips there at first and i get out my car and approach em to find out its outback and some other guy, than as i go to turn around im run down by a rancher....see what mean by not letting people respawn? Uh, I wasn't even in the game at that point. I quit after you guys started whining about spying. And to top it off, I was a passenger in someone's car most of that time. Link to comment
=AA=\/\/heeL(V)an Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 OB i like you, but u were there i swear to gawd...there were two people in a car u and some other guy Link to comment
Guest Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 thier character model wont disapear until they completely disconect. you probably saw a nice lifeless car Link to comment
=AA=\/\/heeL(V)an Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 nevertheless, im not gonna stand here and argue about a simple practice match, but no one should have respawned, nor should there have been spectators but specs will be impossible this friday cuz its a 24 p server so there isn't anymore room hehe i'll follow this one up with me sig smiley Link to comment
Outback Posted January 22, 2004 Share Posted January 22, 2004 OB i like you, but u were there i swear to gawd...there were two people in a car u and some other guy I'm just sayin...if it was movin, it wasn't me doing it. Link to comment
[KFC]Teknickel Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 This is the story of one kid, one outstandingly sexy kid, who over came it all with his good looks and an m60. One day Tek was minding his own buisness at the airport when Death B and all of ULK popped out of no where and started unloading clips!!!! Shells were flying everywhere and it was a truly scary sight. Tek using his outstanding spead, agility, and cat like reflexes managed to dodge every shot. Then they decided to go into molly time. One of them braze our hero Tek and lit him on fire draining his health to a shocking 30hp!!!!!!! Tek in a last resort method to escape to the health tryed to stun them with his amazing sexiness, but then realized he was on robber skin and his face was covered with a hockey mask!!!! So he made a run for it, bullets whizzing inches from his face(couldnt let them damage that outstanding face) and the health pick up was reached just in time. *Now at this point in the story you have to realize our hero hasn't fired a single shot yet.* All of a sudden a single bullet fired from the gun of Death B grazes Tek's face, shattering the hockey mask. Stunned by pain and shock Tek touches his face and feels blood. He lifts his head and all of ULK is amazed by how god damn sexy he is. Then Tek says, "Mark my words motherfuckers each one of you will pay for this". ULK still stunned slowly struggled to recover. Tek slowly raised his gun. With a smile on that beautiful face he began to unload. It seemed almost like everything went in slow motion for Tek, because despite ULK's pitiful attempts to run away he nailed each one of them in 3 shots. A mountain of ULK body's piled high to the airfort roof. Tek climbed to the top to plant the flag of KFC in Death B's back for he single handedly defeated the ULK army and was damn proud. The rest of KFC came in and talked about how sexy he was and how he should lead KFC but Tek politely refused for his loyalty is with the mighty Kung. He said, "Fellow KFC members, Ask not what your gang can do for you, but what you can do for your gang." And then Tek shot gamefreek while he wasn't looking. THE END Moral: Tek is one sexy bitch This is how the match turned out last night if nebody was wonderin Link to comment
ijsf Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 haha, looks nice.. maybe we should sell a book with war stories on cafepress.com or something? Link to comment
ArtiGamer Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 How come your so fast Link to comment
Guest Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 i think teks been on the peace pipe to long again Link to comment
![[KFC]KungFu](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%201024%201024%22%20style%3D%22background%3A%236276c4%22%3E%3Cg%3E%3Ctext%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20dy%3D%22.35em%22%20x%3D%22512%22%20y%3D%22512%22%20fill%3D%22%23ffffff%22%20font-size%3D%22700%22%20font-family%3D%22-apple-system%2C%20BlinkMacSystemFont%2C%20Roboto%2C%20Helvetica%2C%20Arial%2C%20sans-serif%22%3EK%3C%2Ftext%3E%3C%2Fg%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E)
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