The Twelve commandments of flaming

[Bishop]

The Twelve

Commandments

of Flaming

1

Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly."

"Clearly, Brian Hillis is a racist, and a dirtball to boot."

2

Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Peach Pshawski, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of ... "

3

Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. From OPINION to EZ-READER to PETS to CHIT-CHAT, they're all holding their breaths until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere.

4

Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't possibly be that you're a ******. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.

5

Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Commandment #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Didley has libelled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Didley."

6

Force them to document their claims: Even if Ralph Gagliano states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Ralph's pasta preferences, then Ralph's obviously lying.

7

Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "vini, vidi, vici," "fetuccini alfredo,"...

8

Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa or Mega or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic.'"

9

Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your inalienable right to post whatever the hell you want to the net. Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to alt.fan.karl-malden.nose is either a communist, a fascist, or both.

10

Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, they do not exist! This is the beauty of flamers' logic.

11

Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.

12

When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer, you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: insult the dirtbag!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with ... "

See you in court, Didley

[XcR]

lol... nice

[eAi]

Perhaps you should quote your source, otherwise it looks like you wrote it.

[Cerbera]

Perhaps you should quote your source, otherwise it looks like you wrote it.

Looks like {ULK} Bishop just came up against TWO people who are better than him. Good call, EAi.

EAi tag-teams Cerbera!

*THWACK*

(EDIT) Hey, I just realised that because I'm a moderator I can lock this because it is plagarism. However, I think the response from {ULK} Bishop will be hilarious, so let's keep it open.

[ULK!Nick]

i live by these

plus the oath of spammers

[Bishop]

Oh noes the big guys coming at me.

Perhaps you should quote your source, otherwise it looks like you wrote it.

Perhaps you should log off IRC and work on some MTA for a change.

That the kind of reply you were looking for ? LOL

However, I think the response from {ULK} Bishop will be hilarious, so let's keep it open.

what is that about ? lol

Nah actually I was expecting everyone to start capsing "OLD MATERIAL BITHC !!1! OMGITNOOBroflLOLRWTF DIE "

[eAi]

Perhaps you should log off IRC and work on some MTA for a change.

That the kind of reply you were looking for ? LOL

We use IRC to communicate as a team, so logging off IRC would be counterproductive. I spend almost every waking minute working on MTA as it is.

[Bishop]

See its like chess, you take the initiative the game is yours.

I didn´t mean to flame your productiveness - I am not to say how much work you put in.

I just threw one back at you for the fun of it and for the sake of continuity as the topic is flamming , your probably not laughing though lol .

I didn´t want to present it as mine, do you believe I Did ?

I figured everyone already read it 2 years ago and would be able to recognize it by it´s title. Which you were.

/edit.

Flaming*

its*

[orappa]

It's difficult to work out the original source because a lot of people have plagiarised it:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q= ... ming&meta=

[Ransom]

lol jon... who really cares

[Si|ent]

who really cares

The original author I'd imagine

[Ransom]

who really cares

The original author I'd imagine

By saying that I've posted possibly untrue information, MrBump has libelled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, MrBump

[Bishop]

#7

.. and that´s de facto, nunc est bibendum as they say.