Lággy Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 These jokes may contain some adult contents! A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's the problem?" After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend." 'Wow," says the barkeep. "What did you do about it?" "I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye, told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out." "That makes sense," remarks the barkeep... "And, what about your best friend?" "I looked him right in the eye and yelled, **Bad Dog** " A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?" This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor says, "OK.Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, says "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony.The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell.The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with Xrays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor says "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" "You've broken your finger!" There was a Latino man looking for job. The boss asked, " Do you speak English?" "Yes, Senor," he replied. The boss continued, "I will test your comprehension, make a sentence with these three words: Green, pink and yellow." The Latino man laughed, "That's easy, Senor. Here it is: The phone GREENS, I PINK it up and say YELLOW" A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex, mystery The prize winning essay read: "My God!" said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" A yuppy opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppy was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!" he whined. "You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my gaaad...", replied the yuppy, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "where's my Rolex???!!!!!" Man: I went to jail once, it was very hard for my family. I could never pass go... Post your lame/funny/crap jokes here! Link to comment
paul527 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Thanks for the jokes Laggy! ...i can finnaly smile again... (or is that just the Giggle Cream?) well whatever it is i'm happy Link to comment
zerb Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 To giggle or not to giggle =\ /me walks away. Link to comment
Ransom Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Christopher Reeves walks into a bar... (thats it) Link to comment
Black Dragon Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 So three musicians and a DJ walk into a bar... Link to comment
zombiemonkey360 Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Why did the dead baby cross the road? Give up? Because he was stapled to the chicken. (Nyuk, nyuk!) Link to comment
paul527 Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 So three musicians and a DJ walk into a bar... one of those musicians is IJs... Link to comment
Black Dragon Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Man what the fuck. The original joke is "So three musicians and a bass player walk into a bar..". Must've been drunk or something when I wrote it. Link to comment
paul527 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 "So three musicians and a bass player walk into a bar.." The first one says to the bartender, get me a scotch, the second one says to the bartender, get me a shot glass filled with vodka, the bass player says to others, "why the fuck am I not a musician in this joke? Bass players are musicians too ya fuckers!" and storms out. Link to comment
@C3 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 A guy walks into a bar, orders a bunch of beers and gets drunk. He walks over to where a group was sitting and talks to them. Then goes back to the bartender and says "I bet you $500 I can put this cup on the floor and pee in it without missing. The bartender decided it was an easy bet so he accepted it. The guy puts the cup on the ground and pees all over the bar, on the floor the walls, the roof, other patrons, and the bartender. Everywhere but the cup. When the guy is done, he goes back over the where the group is sitting and talks to them again. He comes back and give the bartender the $500. The bartender asks "what are you so happy about? You just lost $500." The guy replies "I just bet each of those guys over there a thousand bucks I could piss all over the bar and you wouldn't be angry, you'd be smiling." Link to comment
Baseplate Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Stop bumping old topic the last post was in 2008 and now we are in 2012 wtf Link to comment
acount deleted Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 last in 2012 ok now 2014 Link to comment
tosfera Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 last in 2012 ok now 2014 Bumping hero. Link to comment
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