I couldn't agree more with your reasoning. I like racing games, and having played them all my life (doesnt mean I'm an expert) I have to say patience is the key to the whole thing. For example, I've noticed some people accelerate past a turn and half the time they spin out, while I took 1 second to brake and make the turn very smooth. It works specially well in 90 degree turns that are most often found in the city.
Furthermore, have you ever noticed that when you're first and you have someone like 3 seconds behind you that they are wilder than you? I've used this to my advantage. On turns I take everything very calm and easy. I see my competition pass me in the turn but most of the time hitting something on the sides, and like custom races are starting to include, either fall of the track into the water, hit a barrel and blow up, or heck, they might get lucky and not spin out.
The common courtesy I also agree with. THe other day I was doing the 8 track and there was a fool driving the wrong side blowing up everyway up and messing up their race. It was ridiculous. I wish there was a vote kick implemented.
That's my 2 cents.