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War Stories


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This is the story of one kid, one outstandingly sexy kid, who over came it all with his good looks and an m60.

One day Tek was minding his own buisness at the airport when Death B and all of ULK popped out of no where and started unloading clips!!!! Shells were flying everywhere and it was a truly scary sight. Tek using his outstanding spead, agility, and cat like reflexes managed to dodge every shot. Then they decided to go into molly time. One of them braze our hero Tek and lit him on fire draining his health to a shocking 30hp!!!!!!! Tek in a last resort method to escape to the health tryed to stun them with his amazing sexiness, but then realized he was on robber skin and his face was covered with a hockey mask!!!! So he made a run for it, bullets whizzing inches from his face(couldnt let them damage that outstanding face) and the health pick up was reached just in time.

*Now at this point in the story you have to realize our hero hasn't fired a single shot yet.*

All of a sudden a single bullet fired from the gun of Death B grazes Tek's face, shattering the hockey mask. Stunned by pain and shock Tek touches his face and feels blood. He lifts his head and all of ULK is amazed by how god damn sexy he is.

Then Tek says, "Mark my words :o each one of you will pay for this".

ULK still stunned slowly struggled to recover. Tek slowly raised his gun. With a smile on that beautiful face he began to unload. It seemed almost like everything went in slow motion for Tek, because despite ULK's pitiful attempts to run away he nailed each one of them in 3 shots. A mountain of ULK body's piled high to the airfort roof. Tek climbed to the top to plant the flag of KFC in Death B's back for he single handedly defeated the ULK army and was damn proud. The rest of KFC came in and talked about how sexy he was and how he should lead KFC but Tek politely refused for his loyalty is with the mighty Kung.

He said, "Fellow KFC members, Ask not what your gang can do for you, but what you can do for your gang."

And then Tek shot gamefreek while he wasn't looking.

THE END

Moral: Tek is one sexy bitch

This is how the match turned out last night if nebody was wonderin :lol:

WOW! a story about me? how nice of you! oh and you misspelled vck, its VEE SEE KAY.

:P

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TEK's story PWNED, lol, that was great... But u forgot the part were all the !{|[.U.L.K.]|}! grabbed cars and drove str8 into their death behind those buildings, shame... be more aware of details, sheesh... :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

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lol a book of war stories, that'd be hilarious. of course you'd have to add all of them no exceptions *looks towards his own story.... its real, real possible, well it could be!*

Anyway, I'm bored, again. So im going to ramble off on one of my stories.

Back in the day, Way back in Gta3, .3 it was I beleave. The few of us, the begining of this great community, could get together, and pointlessly shoot at each other, knowing no one was going to die, (as was the style at the time, you see, We didn't really have the ability to die, we just had 999 health and went back to a spawn where we had the choice of mafia, or diablos, I myself took diablos as at the time, mafia was buggy.) So instead of trying to kill each other by normal means, We'd need to find others means to kill our opponet, now the thing we did most of the time (purposely or not) was that we'd let the game kill our enemies, slowly, or sometimes fast, it was inevitable that the game would bug and BANG either a grash disconnect or that crazy car flying thing would appear.

Now That'd I've started a basicly useless intro paragraph and found out I was going on where with it... i'm going ot change game here, and move on to half life, yes Natural selection it would be, (least, that's what we called it at the time)

Anyway, I was walking down this hallways one time in my Heavy Armor, and HMG with my buddy Wascaly rabbit by my side with he nad launcher, We had heard tell about a hive in these parts, and were meaning to find it, as everyone knows theres a rainbow at everyhiv and at every rainbow theres a pot of gold

and in that pot of gold is a little box, and in that little box theres a key and that key leads to a room full of goats, and lubriccants of all kinds.

Anyway I'm trailing off, WE had reached the double res and what was inside shocked us both, we saw it on our map but what we saw shocked us into silence... There was nothing, That meant that they had sensory towers up and made themselves invisible, so naturaly us being us spammed the fuck out of that place, found that tower and blew it to hell, took the double res and was giving thanks anbnd praise from our comm and fellow members.

Then we got ot the hive and it was empty and shit and nothing was there, the rest of the team had passed there while we were at double, it really pissed us off, so instead we ejected comm and built phase gates everywherw waisintg all our res and selling everything and left the server and found out about this place MTa, even though me and wasscaly weabbit met at MTA.

Now you ask me why this is in war stoires, or why I typed this I'll tell you why.

Inside this story using a very complex mathamatical equation, you can find the meaning of life in binary, and afte rthat you can read it (I mean, who cant read binary?) So there you have it, the meaning of life. Enjoy.

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heres a war story:

lo, slothman the great warrior, with his trusty steed, the gigabyte k333 was feared throughout the land of mta, but alas, k333 succumed to old age, and fell in battle.

slothman, searched high and low through the land, searching for another noble beast to mount in order to once again ride the hills of vc, but few measured up.

one day slothman wandered into a dungeon, where a dark cloaked figure known as "the clerk" offered him a wonderous beast, known as the abit an7

the an7 was widely regailed to be a beast of incredible speed and wonder. the cloaked figure laughed a wicked laugh as slothman brought the large beast home. once brought into the castle the beast roared to life, emitting a terrible "siren"

slothman brought it back to the mysterious "clerk" where he was advised that a sick an7 is a rarity, and another beast of the same breed would serve him well. after returning to his castle, the second beast did not roar, but slept eternally, not even awoken by the satanic "clear cmos" ritual.

returning to the dark figure, slothman cursed the species, having since met up with fellow warriors who also claim the an7 to be "an untamable beast"

"devil" he cried, "this an7 beast wil not be tamed, i demand you present a mount that will serve me in battle"

grimacing, the "clerk" presented him with a wonderous beast, called the "asus a7n8x-e deluxe"

will this new steed prove worthy of slothman, and serve him in battle? only time will tell.

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I forgot about this and the tool just logged into the forum and it reminded me but here is a short story

A few KFCs were in the official server and it was real lame, full of runners and helikillers and not much fun. One guy named Westsidekillaz said he wanted to tryout so when we decided to head over to the KFC private I invited him to come with.

He said something that tipped of HwdThugz and he was screaming in TS that that was Yankees with a new name. Me and GameFreek and I think Wheelman were telling him to relax and wait for him to give himself away. After playing ok he kept asking if he was good enough and I kept telling him to wait. He was borderline at best so I needed to talk to other KFCs first assuming he wasn't Yankees.

Westsidekillaz timed out and guess who logged in? Yankees. :lol: he said oops then disconnected never to return. So yankees had himself a failed attempt to try out for KFC :lol:

The next day he hit a new low and had to team with the lame regular KFC haters DooN, ganja, and some other random haters. Umm this didn't work either. Moral of the story, if you are going to quit a gang just quit don't try to backdoor us and piss us off or you will be like Yankees. hosed

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  • 3 weeks later...

*Dusts of this thread*

I was playing all day as my alter ego "Azmuth" My kill count was up over 300 and I was having an easier time killing people than usual. While I am using this name I don't ever type anything in the chat. Even if I am called a cheater.

I was owning a guy who brought up that I (KungFuGrip) doesn't play anymore because everyone was killing him. I had to tell him who Azmuth was and he didn't believe me...

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*Dusts of this thread*

I was playing all day as my alter ego "Azmuth" My kill count was up over 300 and I was having an easier time killing people than usual. While I am using this name I don't ever type anything in the chat. Even if I am called a cheater.

I was owning a guy who brought up that I (KungFuGrip) doesn't play anymore because everyone was killing him. I had to tell him who Azmuth was and he didn't believe me...

lol a little contradiction there :lol:

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Well not really

I played for a long time an never chatted but I couldn't take it this guy (Noobpdx) was saying that "KungFu was getting owned so he quit playing" "I owned him..." Meanwhile I was housing this homo he couldn't fuck ing rent me. I had to tell him who I was

btw

That ruined that name so I never use it anymore. I have picked a new name and I will try real hard to never type in the chat.

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  • 5 months later...

I think we need to wake up the War Stories thread...

This is one I wrote in January after somone pretended to be a girl to catch somoene else cheating in MTA ... laugh

*Panshot of a dusty office with bills piled on a desk, a man sits in a hard wooden desk chair, unshaven, wearing a two days worn suit, his fedora hangs on the coatrack. An open window sits behind a broken fan, open containers of Chinese food litter the dingy office*

It was a hot summer, and summers were weird in Vice City. The kind of hot that saps your will and makes you wanta stop being a gumshoe detective. But I couldn’t stop, the bills keep coming and I haven’t had a case in weeks. Nights were the worst you see because that’s when Det. KungFuGrip wants some company and his thoughts drift back to his lost love, bunny.

*Flashback dream sequence*

*Suburban home, sunny day, a clean shaven Grip tosses a Frisbee to his dog on the front lawn, a smart dressed tall blond wearing an apron comes to the porch with an apple pie*

Grip: “Ah bunny you know how I love your pie”

Bunny: “It’s burning hot for you, Kungy”

Grip: “umm.. but what is this?”

Bunny: “oops, a little yeast, sorry”

*They exchange a playful kiss as a Fire truck flies from outta nowhere and the driver opens fire with a minigun*

Grip: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!, YOU :o ING CHEATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!”

*Sounds of a lock being picked and a creaking door awakens kfg*

*He hides behind the door with his trusty stubby ready to go*

*A struggle and a gun shot, a women screams*

She was a real beauty, my mind said "blast her with this stubby Grip" but my heart said "hear her out". She was the kind of girl that helps you forget about your troubles. The kind that could suck a golf ball thru a garden hose. Her name was Yudo and she had been working undercover in the TmM servers, turning tricks 5 bucks a head on the streets and learning about a cheat ring. She explained how she had video proof that someone named Scar was cheating and she was going to go public. That hit a soft spot with me I guess, but why me?

Yudo: because your desperate, look at you you’re a drunk and a slob, I know about bunny.

Grip: what do you want me to do

Yudo: Get the proof I need and go public, I can’t because I have a secret

Grip: I bet you do, I can see your Adams apple poking out like a volleyball. Plus your legs are hairy.

*Rips off Yudo’s wig*

Grip: Your not a dame at all, your Deathb the cross-dressing spy of Vice City.

*Sirens sound and police enter the office*

Grip: Take em away boys, Oh here,

*hands him the wig*

Grip: Where your going you might want to dress up

Yeah, summers are weird in Vice City.

*fade to black*

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